From Behind the Silence~

It's funny where life takes us sometimes ~ looking ahead from this time last year I knew my life would be different. With my youngest finally venturing off to college in September it was inevitable that life would bring many changes.  While I could feel the waves of change pulling me in new directions, I never imagined exactly how different my life would be and how very grateful my heart would feel.

"War Reenactments" by Kendra Binney

Life had grown quite stagnant, personally speaking, and those who know me best knew this to be a sad reality.  There's flight in these wings, with room to soar and carry others as well, so being spiritually grounded for so many years had become a huge burden to bare.  I adored my art and this lovely business of creating beauty and helping others, but as we all know there are many sides to a faceted diamond that need light in order to shine.

skeleton print by Kendra Binney

My approach was to take the tides as they came and remain open to where they would lead me.  It's tough to go with the flow, let go, and not question. I think we all know that, but I must admit that whenever I do, it tends to take me in directions I could barely have dreamed.

"This Can't Go Another Way" by Kendra Binney

Where I might have envisioned a lovely island filled with delicious fruits and flowers ~ life would more likely deliver a chain of islands filled with beautiful white sands, lush greens, and tropical songbirds, all living among those envisioned fruits and flowers, and nestled snugly between gorgeous blue seas and sky.  It's simply a case of this little human not having the sight of the gods.

yellow bird by Kendra Binney

And so, where is it this journey wound up for me? Well, here I sit ~ in a new state, with a new job, in a new home, with a new life. And happy? Oh my...
It's been a very long time since I could say I feel peace in my heart.  Where the slow steady rhythm of tranquility and gratitude strum a gentle melody through my days and nights.

tiger print by Kendra Binney

It took nearly a year to get here, really a lifetime, but here I stand ~ joyfully, courageously. The best part is that even though this life is interwoven with others, many of whom were crucial in helping me gain this freedom, at the core is the spirit of independence. For the first time in my life I stand on my own two feet ~ solely and squarely and happily.

While my "To-Do" list is miles long and I still feel the pull of many tasks on my wings, I finally have a calm heart, the necessary fuel to soar highest in this life and catch the best dreams.

"Rose City Till I Die" by Kendra Binney

So where does this leave my little plumrose dream? As with all good dreams, they never truly die and so neither will this fruit of my heart.

Scaling back from a team effort to a solo woman biz, I've got big plans in the works ~ with finishing up the website, creating an in-depth blogger video library, adding more prefab graphics, and offering a bigger selection of trinkets and treasures.

"Hummingbird Mansion" by Kendra Binney

And so this is me... peaking out from behind the silence and this veil of fruity pinkness to say "hey, I'm still here"... better than ever.  Thanks to all of you who've helped me get to where I am ~ gratitude doesn't even begin to express my heart, but thank you will have to do.  Thanks for sticking by, for waiting and wanting, and now.. off we go ~ let's fly!

This post features the beautiful artwork of one of my favorite artists, Kendra Binney. For more information and to purchase visit:
www.kendra-binney.com and www.kendrabinney.etsy.com

Creating Our Lives

If I were to take a snapshot of this week I would have a few choices.  The question is, would it be the beginning ~ when the car died, my coffee maker broke, and I broke down in sea of frustration, or would it be the end ~ with a new car, a new coffee maker, and an overflowing heart of thankfulness.  At first glance it might be an easy choice but in truth, I think it's the middle that had the most impact ~ the part where I kept going and kept an open heart and mind of gratitude.

I think life is like that ~ it's not so much about what happens to us as much as it is about what we do with those events.  Case in point... I have a friend who's been slowly slipping away ~ not because of some insidious medical condition but because she allowed a few bad apples into her basket.  Once there, they rotted and spread.  I've been there and I understand how it can happen.  But standing on the outside watching someone you care about grow angry and withdraw is painful and saddening.  Over the years I've watched her slowly move away; stepping back from things that made her happy and exposed to other creative souls.  Each time she drew back to "stand up" for her principles she slowly pulled her beauty, her creativity, her intelligent insight, away from those of us who've appreciated it most.  I miss her musings and I hope one day she returns.

In the end I think the one thing we have is our perspective. I could be the arrogant debutante I was raised to be, or  the woman I was 12 years ago ~ broken by a heartless man, or  the woman I was 10 years ago ~ stripped of all hope or the woman I was 8 years ago ~ impoverished; washing my children's clothes in our kitchen sink or the woman I was 6 years ago ~ realizing I'd stepped into the arms of another liar or the woman I was 5 years ago ~ barely choosing to stay alive but for the sake of my children or the woman I was 3 years ago ~ desperately trying to change my mistakes or the woman I was a year ago ~ betrayed by the one I'd tried so hard to help.  I could be all of these or any one of the stepping stones along my own life's journey.

But you see, somewhere along the way, each time I picked myself up, dusted off my mistakes, and kept moving forward, I learned the valuable lesson of gratitude. Feeling grateful for the treasures in our lives, no matter how small, is one of the greatest tools we have.  It enables us to create beauty from nearly nothing and as an artist, I love to create.  I remember a counselor telling me years ago to find happiness in my current life ~ I thought he was nuts.  But in this sense we're all artists; painting the pictures of our lives that tell the stories of our own journeys through this world.  I believe the paintings we create, with the brush strokes of our thoughts and actions, are the most beautiful creations we'll ever possess. They are as open and new as a pure white canvas and possessed with nearly endless possibilities.

So while this week may have started off in some dark place in my mind's eye, it wound up being another stepping stone in this journey, another part of the beautiful creation I'm working on that's called "my life". My own canvas is filled with countless shortcomings and wrong turns but it's the change of colors and brush strokes that have brought me to today and help ensure I live with a heart of gratitude and a desire to continue finding my own meaning of success.

Best~

Soul Journey

I started reading a new book last night titled Soul Journey.  I was first drawn to this book through the holidays when a close friend posted about it on Facebook.  Upon closer investigation it immediately jumped to the top of my holiday wishlist, so imagine my surprise when a copy showed up in my mailbox yesterday, thanks to that same dear friend (love you Sherry!).

I began reading the book last night ~ I'll be honest and say I haven't read through a personal book in years. I've started several but put them down shortly after.  Text books have been a constant companion over the past two years but they're not the same.  In the more distant past, books served as a wonderful source for acquiring knowledge and insight.  Plowing through copies of "The Essential Works of Carl Jung" and "If Life is a Game, These Are The Rules" have been downright life altering.  But reading a good book is something that fell away after several traumatic experiences over the past 7 years.  It's tough to read when your mind is racing and your heart is broken.  So with the arrival of this book, an angel's gift straight from heaven, I'm turning over a new page in my own life.

I've only read the Introduction and already it's moved me. The truth is, this book is just what the doctor heart ordered. It's comforting know there are others out there who desire to "Be the change you wish to see.." and it speaks directly to that part of me that yearns to reach out and help other women who've gone through similar sorrows and hardships.  I know there's power (and company) in numbers so if you're interested in reading it too, you can buy a copy from the author, Lisa Cherry, at this link or buy a copy for your Kindle at this link.

My hope is to find the words to share my thoughts and feelings as I read through this book and I would love for you to join me. I know many times it's easier for me to communicate my own feelings when reading them through the musings of others. I'll leave you with a perfect example of this, directly from a page of Soul Journey...

""The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found a way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen."

Elizabeth Kubler Ross"

Best,

Behind the Curtain

While traveling through blogland this morning, playing catchup with my Oz visits, I happened upon a posting by Whimsical Cottages. Her "Fearless Painting, Memory and the Enduring Heart" touched my heart so deeply I just had to share. I cried through her journey of despair and cheered in her triumph ~ I hope this moves you and nourishes your soul as deeply as it did mine.